For such a time as this
I was placed upon the earth
To hear the voice of God
And do His will
Whatever it is
For such a time as this
For now and all the days He gives
I am here
And I am His
For such a time as this

For a few years now God has been preparing me and teaching me what it meant to be a servant for him. A few years ago I never thought that this would be the path that God would chose for me.

A few years ago all I wanted to do was lead a normal all american girl perfect life. I wanted to make good grades,go to college,have the perfect job,marry a great guy and have kids. I wanted to be a house wife and nothing more. I was never able to dream of anything other than that. The day that God called me to mission work I will never forget.

Last year I went to Mexico on a mission trip. That was a really big step for me. I have always been afraid of traveling. Even road trips would scare me to tears! But I knew that God wanted me to go to Mexico so I went. It was the most amazing thing that I have ever done. I loved being on the mission field,I loved helping others, and I loved spreading the word of Christ. When I came back from Mexico I knew that God had called me to mission work. I knew that God wanted me to give him at least a year of my life to him full time. I planned on going to Mexico with a friend and being a missionary for a while. I was so excited and so ready to get out of South Carolina. Well,six months later God completely changed my plans. God said no to Mexico. I was pretty angry with God for a bit and confused. I decided to be honest with God and come right out and ask him why. I mean he is the one that called me to mission work….why did he change his mind? I prayed everyday for a month and then God gave me this…..

Romans 1

It talks about Paul’s longing to go to Rome but how God kept telling him to wait. So,I decided to just trust the Lord and wait. It was hard but I only wanted what he wanted. Every time I prayed about Mexico God just told me to wait. Later on God began to share with me why. A few months later I had surgery and my dad died. Two good reasons why I couldn’t leave the country. But that still didn’t sit right in my heart. I knew there was more to it than that.

Last week I went to Student life camp where God really revealed to me why he kept me from going to Mexico a year ago. In my last blog I talked about what God shared with me about his plans for me and how I feel like God has told me that he will be sending me somewhere next summer. God also told me why he didn’t send me to Mexico.

Last year my heart was not fully ready. I wasn’t willing to give my whole life over to God. I still kind of wanted that perfect life. I also was not leaning completely on God but I was leaning on my friends Lydia that was also going with me. I knew that I could never do it without her. I would never do anything like that or go anywhere without someone going with me. I would never be able to do it.

This was a problem. I wasn’t trusting God,leaning on God or giving myself completely to God. When I was at camp God gave me this passage…

Luke 9:57-62

The Cost of Following Jesus

57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”

58Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

59He said to another man, “Follow me.”
But the man replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”

60Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”

61 Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.”

62Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

I realized what it meant to be a servant for the Lord. It meant giving up everything that I wanted in exchange for everything that he wanted. It meant trusting him and leaning on him completely. At that moment I realized how serving the Lord for the rest of my life was the “perfect life” that I have always wanted. There is no reason for me to fear or say that I can’t do something on my own. I can do all things through Christ and Christ alone. I realized that God was calling me into a place where I had to fully depend on him…and I am so ready. I am ready to go anywhere that God wants to go. I have no fear…why should I fear? God is with me and he is going to take care of me. God has called me into full time mission work and I am so excited. God has also been teaching me how to be content with where I am. I don’t have to be over seas or at a camp. I can be right here in my home town serving the Lord. I can’t wait for God to send me somewhere and I hope that that will be next summer but for now I am happy being right here serving in my community and church.

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

My friend Lydia Hopkins was obedient to the Lord and trusted him fully. She is now in Mexico and I pray for her everyday. I am so proud of her for listening to the Lord and following him. She has taught me so much and what it meant to be a servant for God. I love her so much and I am so proud of her. Keep her in your prayers!

Last week I went to student life camp at wake forest. I was a leader and I loved it. I never thought that I would enjoy it like I did. God really revealed himself to me that week and I didn’t even expect it.

When I first arrived at camp my heart was overwhemled with excitement. I just knew that God was going to do so many amazing things. I never expected him to do them with me. Later on in the week my heart became heavy. I wasn’t really sure why but I could tell that God was trying to tell me something. Some friends from my church told me that they could tell that something was wrong with me but they didn’t know what. I didn’t even know what was going through my head so how could I talk to them about it. I began seeking the Lord and asking him to reveal himself to me. I became a little discouraged. So on Wednesday night I asked God to just give me what I need to get me through the rest of the day. That night several students came to me pouring there hearts out to me and looking to me for help,advice,and encouragement. I went to bed that night thanking the Lord. He really did give me what I needed. I was able to pour into my students and I had God on the other side pouring into me IT FELT SO GOOD! But the next morning my heart became heavier. I didn’t understand why at all. I became really discouraged but continued to seek out the Lord. Later on that day I met a great guy named Ben. He was on the drama team there at student life. I was talking to him about student life and how you get involved with the camp. Why I asked him this I have no idea but for some reason I was interested. Later on that day during free period I went to one of there drama things. They were doing QNA at the time and several questions popped into my head. After it was over I sat down with Ben and asked him a few questions. He began to tell me how he first got involved with student life. When I left several things were going through my head. I loved being at student life. When I was there I felt like it was home. My heart was drawn to the place. I loved being a leader there,I loved being around middle schoolers and high schoolers,I loved being a servant for God. I didn’t really have enough time to meditate on any of this because I had to rush of to family group. I decided to just put it all out of my head but when I did my heart became even heavier. That night at church I felt really really discouraged. All I wanted to do was go back to my dorm and hide under my covers. That night when Todd agnew was leading worship he told all of the loud worshipers to sit and worship quietly and all the quiet worshipers to come down front. So I went down front. After I did a regretted it. I told God that he knew that I loved him but at that moment I didn’t feel like there was a reason for me to be there and I just wanted to leave. Tears began rolling down my face as God began to show me everything that he was preparing my heart for that week. The first thing was about my dad. Earlier that week Dave Edwards,our speaker,was teaching about a heart of stone. For some reason that lesson really stood out to me. I didn’t have a heart of stone. Well,I found out that I really did. When My dad died a few months ago I closed a piece of my heart so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain. I had to be strong for my family. There was no time to cry or be sad I had to get over it. I cried on my own time and I wouldn’t even think about it. When I was at student life God told me that by closing that part of my heart what I am really doing is withholding myself from God. It meant that I didn’t really trust God with my pain. After God revealed this to me I opened up that piece of my heart and asked the Lord to forgive me. All the pain and all the tears that I tried not to feel in those two months all came at one time. But I could feel God right beside me holding me up. A few minutes later I found out that God had more to share with me. Dave Edwards said that if any of us has felt like God has called them to mission work but they have always said no because of fear but now they are ready to take the next step and say yes to God then to stand up and go and talk to there youth pastor. I heard God whispering in my ear “go ash” I turned around and went to Dustin and Carolyn with tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t even say anything. The spirit of the Lord felt so good around me. I was feeling the pain from losing my dad but also the excitement over the future. I prayed with Dustin and Carolyn for a while that night. After prayer Carolyn and I talked for a while. All week she knew this was coming. We had many talks over the week and some how she saw all of this in me before I did. After I talked to Ben I shared with her my heart for missions and student life. That night God revealed a lot to me. God told me that he had big plans for me and for now he is going to prepare me for them. Will I be volunteering at student life next year? I don’t know only God knows. I hope thats where i’ll be because God knows my hearts desire for teens and for traveling. But for now I will be praying and seeking the Lord. God did so many amazing things for me during that week and he still is. My hearts desire is to serve the Lord for the rest of my life. I told Dustin that night “I don’t want a normal life” And thats the truth. I am really thankful to Ben for taking time out that day and answering a few questions that I had and sharing with me his journey with student life. As the bible says all we need to do is plant the seed and he will do the rest. I am really thankful that Ben was obedient to God and planted the seed. Please continue to pray with me that God will continue working in my life and please pray that God will show me his will for student life.