Last week I went to student life camp at wake forest. I was a leader and I loved it. I never thought that I would enjoy it like I did. God really revealed himself to me that week and I didn’t even expect it.

When I first arrived at camp my heart was overwhemled with excitement. I just knew that God was going to do so many amazing things. I never expected him to do them with me. Later on in the week my heart became heavy. I wasn’t really sure why but I could tell that God was trying to tell me something. Some friends from my church told me that they could tell that something was wrong with me but they didn’t know what. I didn’t even know what was going through my head so how could I talk to them about it. I began seeking the Lord and asking him to reveal himself to me. I became a little discouraged. So on Wednesday night I asked God to just give me what I need to get me through the rest of the day. That night several students came to me pouring there hearts out to me and looking to me for help,advice,and encouragement. I went to bed that night thanking the Lord. He really did give me what I needed. I was able to pour into my students and I had God on the other side pouring into me IT FELT SO GOOD! But the next morning my heart became heavier. I didn’t understand why at all. I became really discouraged but continued to seek out the Lord. Later on that day I met a great guy named Ben. He was on the drama team there at student life. I was talking to him about student life and how you get involved with the camp. Why I asked him this I have no idea but for some reason I was interested. Later on that day during free period I went to one of there drama things. They were doing QNA at the time and several questions popped into my head. After it was over I sat down with Ben and asked him a few questions. He began to tell me how he first got involved with student life. When I left several things were going through my head. I loved being at student life. When I was there I felt like it was home. My heart was drawn to the place. I loved being a leader there,I loved being around middle schoolers and high schoolers,I loved being a servant for God. I didn’t really have enough time to meditate on any of this because I had to rush of to family group. I decided to just put it all out of my head but when I did my heart became even heavier. That night at church I felt really really discouraged. All I wanted to do was go back to my dorm and hide under my covers. That night when Todd agnew was leading worship he told all of the loud worshipers to sit and worship quietly and all the quiet worshipers to come down front. So I went down front. After I did a regretted it. I told God that he knew that I loved him but at that moment I didn’t feel like there was a reason for me to be there and I just wanted to leave. Tears began rolling down my face as God began to show me everything that he was preparing my heart for that week. The first thing was about my dad. Earlier that week Dave Edwards,our speaker,was teaching about a heart of stone. For some reason that lesson really stood out to me. I didn’t have a heart of stone. Well,I found out that I really did. When My dad died a few months ago I closed a piece of my heart so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain. I had to be strong for my family. There was no time to cry or be sad I had to get over it. I cried on my own time and I wouldn’t even think about it. When I was at student life God told me that by closing that part of my heart what I am really doing is withholding myself from God. It meant that I didn’t really trust God with my pain. After God revealed this to me I opened up that piece of my heart and asked the Lord to forgive me. All the pain and all the tears that I tried not to feel in those two months all came at one time. But I could feel God right beside me holding me up. A few minutes later I found out that God had more to share with me. Dave Edwards said that if any of us has felt like God has called them to mission work but they have always said no because of fear but now they are ready to take the next step and say yes to God then to stand up and go and talk to there youth pastor. I heard God whispering in my ear “go ash” I turned around and went to Dustin and Carolyn with tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t even say anything. The spirit of the Lord felt so good around me. I was feeling the pain from losing my dad but also the excitement over the future. I prayed with Dustin and Carolyn for a while that night. After prayer Carolyn and I talked for a while. All week she knew this was coming. We had many talks over the week and some how she saw all of this in me before I did. After I talked to Ben I shared with her my heart for missions and student life. That night God revealed a lot to me. God told me that he had big plans for me and for now he is going to prepare me for them. Will I be volunteering at student life next year? I don’t know only God knows. I hope thats where i’ll be because God knows my hearts desire for teens and for traveling. But for now I will be praying and seeking the Lord. God did so many amazing things for me during that week and he still is. My hearts desire is to serve the Lord for the rest of my life. I told Dustin that night “I don’t want a normal life” And thats the truth. I am really thankful to Ben for taking time out that day and answering a few questions that I had and sharing with me his journey with student life. As the bible says all we need to do is plant the seed and he will do the rest. I am really thankful that Ben was obedient to God and planted the seed. Please continue to pray with me that God will continue working in my life and please pray that God will show me his will for student life.