http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44vz11sfDJA

Chance has not brought this ill to me;It’s Gods own hand,so let it be,For He sees what I cannot see.There is a purpose for each pain,and He one day will make it plain that earthly loss is heavenly gain….

This poem just gives me more encouragement that everything that happens is in the Lords hands. He will take care of us. Nothing is to big for him. Who are we to worry? In this world we will face fear,pain,loss,gain,good,bad,rich, and poor but God will remain the same.He never changes.

One of my favorite verses is Deuteronomy 2:7

                     “For the LORD your God has blessed you in all that you have done; He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing.”‘

When God gave me this verse I was sitting in a corner asking Him how I was going to make it? My world was falling apart and changing so fast and I just didnt know how I was going to be able to hold on and keep going. This verse really spoke to me. No matter what I have been through I haven’t lacked anything. God has always provided me with what I needed. I know that God will always take care of me…I have nothing to fear.

He Gives quietness in the midst of the raging storm. As we sail the lake with Him,reaching deep water and far from land,suddenly,under the midnight sky,a mighty storm sweeps down. Earth and hell seem mobilized against us,and each wave threatens to overwhelm our boat.  Then he rises from His sleep and rebukes the wind and the waves. He waves his hand,signaling the end of the raging tempest and the beginning  of the restful calm. His voice is heard above the screaming of the wind through the ropes and rigging,and over the thrashing of the waves. “Quiet! Be still!” (Mark 4:39). Can you not hear it? And instantly  there is a great calm.”He giveth quietness”-quietness even in the midst of losing our inner strength and comforts. Sometimes He removes these  we make to much of them. We are tempted to look at our joys,pleasures,passions,or our dreams, with too much self-satisfaction. Then through His gracious love He withdraws them,leading us to distinguish between them and Himself. He draws near and whispers the assurance of His presence,bringing an infinite calm to keep our hearts and minds. “He giveth quietness”-The Streams in the Desert

I have had a hard time today. I have been dealing with grief. I have been feeling the saddness of what I have lost but God has been showing me also what I have gained. God has given me so much but if I take what God has given me and put it in my hands I open a door for Satan to come in and destroy. God has really been teaching me how to follow him and be patient without jumping ahead of Him. He has also been teaching me that even when saddness comes it will soon fade. Who can make trouble when He sends me peace? All I need to do is continue loving Him,leaning on Him,and Trusting Him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3buLQoCN6KY

I consider my life worth nothing to me,if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord has given me. Acts 20-24

 I feel like I have finally let the things and worries of this world go and really put my hope and faith in the Lord. I have really been asking God what he wants from me and where he wants me.

I thought God was starting to show me where He wanted me. I was so excited! God started using me in amazing ways…I could only give the glory to him. God really did know the desires of my heart. He was opening some powerful doors for me.

Well,I went to a friend and told them about it thinking that they would be excited for me and encouraging. At  the end of our conversation I was a little confused. I was told to just slow down and to stop trying to become Paul over night.

I’m not trying to be “Holy” or whatever. I’m just trying to follow God. I want to give every day of my life to the Lord. I never know when my time will be up so why waste time on myself?

It just made me realize that Satan can use anything. Imnot saying that this person was used by Satan…this is one of my closest friends and I know that they would never mean any harm. But Satan can use anything. The moment we receive anything from the Lord worth fighting for,the Devil comes seeking to destroy us.

Thats when we put our faith in the Lord. All I can do is continue to pray for the Lords will because its truly what I want. I know that the Lord will not forsaken me. The Devil is just trying to destroy me but I will not allow him to. He has no idea who he is messing with! I’m sure that Im a lot stronger than him…I know I am because I have the Lord. I just have to keep the faith!

Lately life has been nothing but one distraction after another. I hate that I get caught up in life and forget what I am really living for but the truth is we all do. I have been trying to please others,please myself and figure out what I want in life instead of what God really wants for my life. I have felt far from God at times and down right unsatisfied with life even if I get what I want.

Last night I was praying and I just asked God to show me what he wanted me to do.  I told him that I felt like I was sitting on a fence because I didnt know which path to take.

Today in church God really spoke to my heart. I realized that nothing and no one matters more than God. I realized how much I really needed him. I told God that it didnt matter if the path is hard and scary I will go anyways. I know that no matter what God will be with me and in the end it will all be worth it somehow.

I also gave God all my fears and worries. Lately I have really been having trouble with my heart and with my body. It has really brought me down and filled me with fear. But I know that no matter what God will take care of me all I need to do is trust him. Today I really had to ask God to forgive me for giving into fear and putting others before him. In a way I am glad that I did though because it really showed me how much I need God and how precious He is to me.

God puts us through things for a reason. He teaches us and helps us to grow. I am thankful for everything that I have been  through because I have learned so much from it. Its hard but all we need to do is fully trust and rely on God and we will get through it and be a better person after.  I am still going to struggle sometimes but I know that I will come around because I am a child of God and he will never give up or forsaken me. I am truly blessed to have a father named Jesus Christ.

Lately, I have felt alone. My relationship with God has been different also. Why? I am not really sure. God has really been working in my life lately. It’s been hard because I have had to face many challenges. Sometimes I would take the challenges and run with them and other times I would try to run away from them. I have come to realize though that God really does know best. Yes,I have always known that But now I fully understand it. I will never understand why sometimes we have to go through what we go through but no matter what God is in control. I have learned not to look at things as a human but to try to Look at things like God would. I will never be able to understand things fully like God but it does show me that no matter what nothing is impossible. Even the most impossible situations are nothing to God. He is all powerful. God has really been showing me more of him just in a harder way. But I am willing to go through and to do anything to get closer to God. Thats kinda scary to say but I know that God is in control and he is my protection.

Sarah-I love you to death. I know how you feel with all the health stuff. Yea girl it sucks but just remember no matter what the doctor tells you God is still in control of your body. Nothing is to big for him. I know what it’s like to fear the future and to fear that you will never be able to have what your heart desires. Doctors have told me some of the same things. But I know that God is in control and he will give me what I long for:) I love you sweet sis.

Lord,I love you so much and all I want is your will. Sometimes I feel so lost and I really don’t know what your will is. God I pray that you reveal yourself to me. Show me where you want me and what you want me to do. God sometimes it’s really hard for me to do what you want me to do but no matter how hard it is I will always do it. I love you and I have given my life to you. I belong to you. Show me your love. Reveal yourself to me as my father and protector. Show me that no matter what you will always love me. Show me where you want me God and I will go. Help me to be brave and fearless. Show me what is truth. Help me through those hard times that break my heart. Help me through those times when I feel lonely. Help me through those times when I am scared. Help me to be more like you. Forgive me God for being selfish,unforgiving,unloving and judgmental. Help me to be more like you God. I love you Daddy.

I have moved out of the shock stage of my dads death and living without him is the hardest thing that I will ever do. I miss him so much…I never thought that I would need him this much. He understood me,he listened to me and he loved me. My dad and I had are hard times but nothing could ever make us stop loving each other.

Halloween is coming up and it is going to be one of the hardest Holidays to live through without him. Every Halloween we would go to Garden Ridge and look at the Halloween decorations. Me and dad would press all the buttons and try on all the masks. We would buy Halloween coloring books and candy and go home and color while Watching Hocus Pocus. The house would be all decorated and every night we would watch a scary movie on the 13 nights of Halloween on family.

We used to go to Barnes and Noble and read and look at books. I loved sitting and drinking coffee with dad. I miss walking downtown with Him in the winter. I miss going to the beach with him. I miss him loving me and believing in me. I miss having a dad. I miss feeling protected. I miss having a father and man in my life. I miss him staying out til late at night looking for my shoes…long story haha. I miss not feeling lonely. I hate being fatherless. I hate that he will never see me get married or have kids. I hate that he will never meet my kids. I hate that he won’t see me graduate. I hate that he didn’t see me go to Mexico this year. I hate that he isn’t seeing me grow up. I know that God is my father but I am human and want a human father. I have to remember though that he was never mine and that he belongs to the Lord and That he knows best…but it’s still not easy.

Life is hard right now. I miss him and nothing can make that go away. I can’t wait until the day that I see him again. But until then I will be waiting and remembering those days when everything was perfect.

I’ll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children’s carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin’ well.

I’ll be seeing you
In every lovely summer’s day;
In every thing that’s light and gay.
I’ll always think of you that way.

I’ll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I’ll be looking at the moon,
But I’ll be seeing you.

I’ll be seeing you
In every lovely summer’s day;
In every thing that’s light and gay.
I’ll always think of you that way.

I’ll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I’ll be looking at the moon,
But I’ll be seeing you

I am back from Mexico! I had so much fun. We did a lot of work and it almost killed me but it was so worth it. I got to see some old friends and make some new ones. We did a lot of work in the orphanage,boys home and in the church. The boys at the boys home were so sweet. They knew that I couldn’t speak Spanish so they did everything possible to help me understand. Chapala,Mexico is such a beautiful place. The people are so sweet. I am so blessed to have been able to visit Chapala,Mexico. Everyone in Mexico are so unselfish. They were always willing to give us there food,water or blankets just so we would be ok. The kids are blessings. They would hang on us and love on us all day. I loved it! We got to meet up with some old friends also. Carlos and Horacio we met last year and they still remembered us this year. We keep in touch with each other over myspace and it’s awesome. They even learned some English for us. I am still recovering from the trip. I am a little sick but getting better. I am hoping to live in Mexico next year for a month with some girl friends. We are looking at houses and  starting to prepare for it. Be praying!